i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
