note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
