I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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