No awkward lesbian experiences without me
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize