i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
