I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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