guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
