you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
FUCK WHALES
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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