gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
