Don't make out with my wife yet
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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