Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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