Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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