FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
