I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
