It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
