Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
