I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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