So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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