Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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