So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i will never coherently bang her
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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