Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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