I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Randomize
