Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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