i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
