Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
