what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
