But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
