I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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