do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
