using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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