He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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