I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
