Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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