Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Michael Bay diarrhea
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
