she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
