If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
