xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
