is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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