Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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