omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
