2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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