When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
