Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Quick, to the slutcave!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
