i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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