Define "chronic" masturbator.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I need a burrito and a hug.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So much rum. So many feels.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
