i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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