I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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