toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My feet surprised me
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
