Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
