I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
