I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
