I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
