she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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