I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
