gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Randomize
