Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
