we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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