i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
