were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
