You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
