im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Welp...herpes.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
