apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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