I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
