After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
