Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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