turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
