Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
